This week during a neighborhood birthday dinner, I had an opportunity to practice staying in my center and remaining untriggered. I am extremely grateful for all the tools and understandings I have gained over the years, it makes life so much easier!
This party included a newer neighbor of ours who comes off as a stern and angry man with loud opinions. Let’s just say, I would have been scared of him as a kid, I later realized that he reminds me of my father who crossed over sixteen years ago. This man is a hard worker who rebuilt and refreshed the small neighborhood play park on his own initiative and also built new bathrooms for the handicapped center in the short time he’s been here. He has a big heart, yet there’s a part of him that is very controlling, and he gets angry when people don’t seem to do what’s “right”.
The discussion at the table became centered on recent crime in the area and the new neighborhood watch group being organized. As I observed, it became very clear to me that many of the people at the table were reacting from a fear-based perspective. The angry neighbor, “Joe”, expressed a vehement desire to shoot someone “since he’s almost 70”, and it didn’t matter if he went to jail. I’m proud of myself because I was able to be in neutral observation* without judgement through it all, though I have to admit, I was ready to leave after about half an hour of listening to the fear discussion that was hamster wheeling around the table. Nothing was solved, it was just rehashed and reinforced. Joe didn’t quit ranting even after his wife asked him to stop several times, and as I was sitting right next to him, it was feeling a bit icky.
The dinner did start out quite positive but disintegrated after the crime discussion began. I could see how one comment led into more and more fear statements. And the fear was based on future projections, past incidents, stories, and guesses. It had nothing to do with what was currently happening at our dinner table, in our NOW moment. And yet, my SI (survival instinct) – or ego in other’s terminology – was not triggered and did not feel threatened. It was a real test of my newfound ability to stay in my own truth and not feel triggered with all the high emotions going on around the table. And I passed that test! Even when Joe looked me in the eye and gave me his wholehearted stern statement about his beliefs in rebuttal to one of mine, I stayed centered and didn’t follow him into fear. This felt awesome. And what was probably a first for me, not only didn’t I slip into any of his with him, I didn’t slide into any of my own fears. I do wish I could come up with quick responses in situations like that because I have an understanding of what is happening, but alas, I don’t yet.
One of my other neighbors and I were holding the energetic fort, so to speak. She was a bit more talkative than me but was saying things I resonated with. (She is the lady who offered me a room in her home and is very in tune with her intuition, a very gentle soul.) I offered a few things but mostly watched the interplay. I did feel like we exhibited a different energetic, and though we couldn’t see what our contribution was doing to the energetic dynamic, I know we made a difference.
The next morning, I looked at the “It’s All Me” part of it. “It’s all me” is an Eloheim teaching which relates to the Oneness concept. Eloheim through Veronica Torres defines this as “Your infinite and immortal nature showing up in your physical reality.” “It’s all me” is about recognizing how everything physical represents an aspect of you. In other words, your world is always a reflection of you. Which can be challenging to look at, let alone accept, and it takes some inner work to get there. So when I looked at the dinner party scenario, I totally understood that I could have very easily joined in that fear perspective. Indeed, I have those same fears of safety, plus my own anger, victimhood, and control issues, all from my current life plus other lifetimes. It would have been a very easy slide into them. My dinner companions were expressing that part of “me”. Vehemently. I just didn’t choose to participate in it that night.
I feel really proud of myself for coming through it unscathed and untriggered. Not too long ago, there would have been a lot of fear and inner critiquing and hamster wheeling going on all night after that discussion. What could I do about it? Did I say the wrong thing? What do they think about me? What if I am a victim of crime? Should I take a different route to avoid the “criminal”? I never went down that road. Yay me!
That being said, I did have a good time at dinner, there was lots of other things going on, other folks to talk to, and the food was yummy. I finally met the neighbors on the other side of me who are an older Panamanian couple, and once the husband figured out I could understand some of his Spanish, he kept looking at me to give him the right English words lol. Which is funny because I am not fluent! I think their English was better than my Spanish! It was fun talking to them though. All in all, it was great experience and a happy reinforcement of my inner work.