Not Feeling Any Celebrations Here

So I am back in NY. And what a week it has been. Somewhere along way to here, my body decided to lay me low with what I first thought were allergies but has since turned into a full-blown-coughing, sinus-headache, body-aches-from-coughing, omg-I-feel-crappy mess. It has made it challenging to sleep as it fired up the asthma I thought I had left behind. It sucks. I haven’t been sick in probably three years. A lot of this is centered in my throat chakra, which has been an issue for me since childhood, and I have worked on it for years. Hopefully, this is the last of the wounds coming out. I am ready to be done with it.

My granddaughter spent the week with me and that was really nice. We played cards, went to the movies, went out to eat, did a 1000-piece puzzle, and talked and connected, despite my feeling crappy. She’s a cool kid. I trust I didn’t share the sick with her.

Then to top this week off, something is going on in a place that violates what has long been my “safe place to fall.” I am staying out of the discussion for the most part. I said my piece early on and don’t feel I have anything more to share that would benefit anyone. I know how I feel, I know my stance, and will maintain my inner peace, a peace and calm that I have worked so hard and so long to find within myself. I have this ability to see all sides to a situation and it makes it hard for me to say anyone is wrong or right. We are each both, and all things in between, to ourselves and others. We only know what truly goes on inside ourselves because we live there. There is always more to a story than what we see.

As for celebrating our “great” nation? I have no words there. People individually, I love, politics, not so much.

Anyhow, that’s my past week. How was yours?


It’s Bittersweet

Image may contain: ocean, sky, cloud, beach, water, outdoor and nature

Fishing pelicans flying over the ocean near David, Panama.

This picture is from my visit to the beach last week. It was such a beautiful day. We didn’t swim though, this beach is treacherous and has drowned many a talented swimmer in the undertow.

Saturday I am leaving my beloved Panama behind to once again return to NY. I have been busy sorting and purging and packing these last few days, getting ready to travel again. I love traveling actually, it’s the pre-process part of deciding what to bring, what to leave behind, and all the details of how to do it that is not my favorite.

Over the past three years I have collected a lot of things during my stays here, and now that I know I am not going to live here permanently and run a business, I don’t need everything we’ve picked up. Time to purge! The Handicapped Foundation, begun by American volunteers many years ago, has a big patio sale to raise money twice a year, and most of my purged items will go there, some have gone there already.

A couple of months ago I met some new friends at the Tuesday Market (vendors sell foods, gifts, crafts, coffees, etc). They are a talented, artistic, young Peruvian couple, Roxanna and Richar, who with their darling two-year-old, Makayla, migrated here a year ago. We’ve spent some time together and yesterday they invited me and a friend over for a farewell lunch. Their place is TINY and their supplies and dishes are limited, but their hearts are huge. She prepared a lovely meal for us and we had a wonderful visit. We speak a mix of English and Spanish together, teaching each other how to say things in our own languages. We’re all students of each other’s language. It’s really fun to stretch that way. Richar is really picking up the English  language fast, which is a good thing since he speaks to a lot of English shoppers at the market. I looked around while at their home and thought, some of those things my friend and I have decided to donate are coming here, so today I delivered a box to them. They were so happy and so appreciative. So many kisses and hugs! I just love these people. Their daughter, Makayla, is a busy child, talkative in both languages and very sweet. I told Dad los hombres were going to like her! He laughed and said he was going to buy a (he fumbled for the word) “weapon” to keep them away.  Daddies are alike all over! Ha!

Thursday evening I am going to dinner with a few friends to one of our favorite spots for a goodbye meal. Bittersweet dinner, it will be. I will miss everyone a lot. Really good friends have been made here. Then Friday morning I leave on the bus for Panama City and take an early flight out Saturday morning. So, next time I post I will be talking to you all from NY! However, I will be very glad to see my kids and grandkids again, which I will do as soon as I land. They are meeting me at the airport and we will go to dinner together before heading home.

I feel extremely grounded and centered in myself this time, and the plan and the knowing is to hold that calm stance of my truth in the midst of the heavier energy that permeates my hometown. Even though it’s been a struggle in the past, I feel I have evolved enough in my wisdom and awareness that I won’t slip for very long or very often. It’s definitely a test of my growth every time I return there.

So, until next time.

Hasta luego!

The Thinker and the Thought

Message from Eloheim:

The Thinker and the Thought

In every moment first be aware of yourself. Our tool, “what is true now?” is helpful in this regard yet requires refinement for this application.

It’s not so much “what is true now?” as “what is me now?”

Let us explain:

In each moment, resides the thinker and the thought. When you focus on the thought, your feelings, emotions, remembrances, attention etc. will be where?

There! When you focus on the thinker (“what is me?”) you have the opportunity to remain aware of the now. When a non-moment-thought is caught, ask “what is me now?” The answer can be the type of things we have used when asking what is true now, yet we believe there is a more powerful layer revealed by this new inquiry.

Let’s imagine that you find yourself thinking about a future fear. You experience anxiety. You are distracted from the now-moment. One thought easily connects to another in a chain of discomfort and even suffering. At any point along that mental journey, you can catch yourself and say “what is me?”

The only “place” that can answer that inquiry is you connected to your body, aware of now. You are not your thoughts. The thought is insubstantial. The thinker is the substance. They are not the same. The sooner that you own this fact, the better.

In any thought there is you – the thinker – and YOU hold dominion of the moment, not the thoughts.

The beauty of this discipline is that it clears, not just quiets, the mind. Thinking becomes a conscious act like that use of a hammer or singing of a song, rather than the bothersome obsession it is now.

When not addicted to thinking the brain is then available for many new and fascinating things. Receiving insight is just one item on the list. The others are yours to discover as you find “what is me?”

Love Is the Path to the 5th Dimension

Love Is the Path to the 5th Dimension ∞The 9th Dimensional Arcturian Council

“Greetings. We are the Arcturian Council. We are pleased to connect with all of you.

We have given you a taste of what is to come for humanity, and we are not the only ones who are doing this. There is also energy and information coming to you from your sun that is meant to show you the light. It is meant to enlighten you to the future of the human race on planet Earth and to give you sneak previews of what is to come as you bring yourselves closer and closer to the fifth dimensional experience of your reality.

The energies are also coming to you from planet Earth and the photon belt. When you put all of that together, what you get is a massive amount of energy, information, and love. This is the most important aspect of what you are experiencing.

It is not the DNA upgrades. It is not the cellular upgrades. It is not the unlocking of codes and information within you. The most important element that you are downloading is the love that this universe was created from, that you were created from, and that is the basis for everything in every reality.

The point of all of this is not to get somewhere or achieve something. The point of everything is to love and to know that you are the love that you experience, plain and simple. That is the experience of self as Source. That is the way that you connect with each other. That is the way that you find something in your life to get excited about. That is the perfect reason for all of you to exist and to get out of bed in the morning and do what you do.

It is for the experience of love flowing through you. So embracing this truth means that you give in to that which is calling you, that which is lighting you up, that which energizes you. Because as you do, you find more love within you. You then have more love to give. And the more of it that flows through you, the more alive you feel, and the easier it is for you to step into the full knowing of yourself as a fifth dimensional being, as an infinite being, as a Source Energy being.

This is truly what we desire to give you a taste of in our transmissions. This is what the Earth, the sun, and the photons are also encouraging you to feel.

We are the Arcturian Council, and we have enjoyed connecting with you.”

Plans Are Not Purpose

When I was a kid, my purpose was to go to school, stay out of trouble, grow up, and get the hell out of the childhood I was in, in as best a shape as I could manage, and perhaps, have a little fun along the way.

When I was in college, my purpose was to get through the classes, work and pay for my education, and graduate with a degree, any degree. Serious business.

When I got married and had kids, that became my passion and purpose. But the kids had minds of their own, and they had audacity to grow up and move out!

At that point in my life, I began to feel rudderless. I began to question everything. My reason for being was melting away. All my reasons for being had disappeared. Including a marriage that had dissolved into routine with no intimate connection. Since I had placed my reasons for existence on the pursuit of what others expected of me and on my love for my children, I felt totally lost. Now what? What am I supposed to do now??

I suppose this is where the “midlife crisis” appears. Some find lovers, some buy fancy cars, some pursue the perfect body. Some have a major medical crisis. Some do all of the above! My crisis took the form of personal growth. I couldn’t hide from myself any longer. I distinctly remember the day I had a meltdown and sat in a chair in the living room, crying, feeling so lost and completely alone. The discovery of my own inner unsteadiness, the feeling of being nothing, the feeling of a big, black hole inside me and not knowing what to do about it was overwhelming. At the time, I was watching a talk show and that guest was the spark that ignited my next step. The necessity of my own inner evolution became my prime focus and I was a bulldog about it. I needed to excavate and explore my inner self. I needed to learn to forgive myself and others, and most of all, I really needed to figure out how to love myself. To love myself without judgement.

And so, I fell passionately in love with the world of spiritual growth. My physical and outer life took a backseat to this impassioned excavation of self. Who the heck am I and what is my purpose? What is my life about? That was what drove me.

One of my favorite stories I found along the way is about the Golden Buddha:

There is a giant statue of Buddha from 13th century Thailand that is ten foot high and solid gold. At some point, it was covered in plaster and hidden away, which kept it safe from long-ago invaders and treasure hunters. It was then lost and disregarded for many, many years. The Golden Buddha was found in 1955 when a supposedly large plaster statue of Buddha was being moved by crane to a new location. Ropes broke, the statue dropped in the mud, cracking the plaster and exposing the gold underneath. To the Monks great amazement and delight, shining underneath the disguise of plaster was the lost Golden Buddha.

I felt a connection to that story immediately. We are all Golden Buddhas, priceless, beautiful, and loved beyond measure, and our golden inner selves are often hidden. Life here on Earth has given us all kinds of mud to pack on over our golden selves for protection. Do we want to continue to live that way? Not me. I choose to polish the shine instead of hiding it. I choose to love and be love. I choose to be seen, despite parts of me occasionally trying to talk me into staying hidden and protected. I sometimes slip into old habits, but I’ve learned too much to stay stuck in them. That’s when I get out my spiritual rag and do a little clean up.

Ultimately, love is my purpose. I am love, I come from love. I experience and explore this life with love as my guide. There is nothing else. What I do with that love in my human life is my choice in each and every moment, with each and every person, and in each and every situation. It doesn’t mean as a human I know what I’m “doing” for the rest of my life. I don’t have any set plans as of yet. Maybe I never will. But plans are not purpose. I repeat. Plans are not purpose. That I do know.


The next post was the inspiration for this writing. I will share the message from the Arcturians in my next post called Love Is the Path to the 5th Dimension

Embrace Prosperity Consciousness with the Orcas

Abundance message from the orcas:



“Prosperity is easy.  You humans love to complicate things.  The answer is to get out of your own way and step into the natural flow of abundance.  Its as simple as that.”


– “Money is not evil.  It is not a bad thing. It is simply a method toacquire things like food, housing, clothing, etc.  In our world money = fish.  Are fish evil?  Are they a bad thing? No, of course not. On the contrary, without fish, we Orcas could not survive.  Fish are a natural and necessary part of the ecosystem.”


Interesting Image


– “Think of money as fish, food, home, supplies. Things you need to survive. Now, you humans have created a form of exchange, that you call money, to acquire what you need instead of fishing, raising your own food, building your home and creating your own supplies.  Money has made your lives easier by saving you a lot of time and physical labor.  So how did your idea of money and earning money become twisted to the idea that money is the root of all evil?”


– “That is when fear stepped in.  When you started believing in lack, that there is not enough.  That was a way for some to control others. To teach and spread the idea that it is hard to earn money and there is never enough.  In reality, at this time on the planet, there is plenty of everything you need right now.  Plenty of food, shelter, clothing and plenty of money for every single person on Earth.”  


Interesting Image


– “All you have to do is change your belief system about money from scarcity consciousness to Prosperity Consciousness and the doors to abundance will fly open.  When enough people around the world shift their thinking from lack to embracing the natural flow of abundance, the entire world will shift and the old, human way of thinking that money is bad or hard to come by will disappear completely.”


Interesting Image


“When you say ‘Yes’ to Prosperity Consciousness and dive into the flow of Abundance, you will ride the waves of Prosperity with little effort on your part.  Abundance is easy. It was never meant to be the challenge you humans have created for yourselves.”


– “Join us and open yourself up to your natural birthright of Abundance.  If you need support, call on us to guide you into a life filled with everything you could ever want!”


Whale Blessings,



Anne Gordon de Barrigón

CoAuthor of the Bestselling book  Dolphins & Whales Forever

New Light

a message from Lee Carroll, original channel of Kryon
Sunday, 14 May, 2017 at Tel Aviv, Israel 
Greetings, dear ones, I am Kryon of Magnetic Service. There’s an energy here that you can touch and feel – that’s here by design. Old souls have come to the end of the day, the end of the teaching, and they are starting to think about what was said [referring to the seminar during the day]. Joined together in song, in love, there is goodness here; there is benevolence; there is harmony and that’s what happens often when old souls come together with others of like mind. The entourage that I spoke of earlier has actually changed. It changes with you and with the attitudes, understanding and wisdom you gain while here. I want to give a channel about something called new light, and this channelling follows on with everything my partner has said earlier today.

Dear ones, everything I tell you is good news. I want you to understand the reason for these channellings. The reason we do this is because there is something to say at this point in time, which is different than in any other point in time. We’ve spoken of this before but this message is different, and I sit in a place that needs to hear it so that the hearts start to relax and know there really is a plan.

New light. What is it? Light is a metaphor and the phrase “light and dark” are metaphors for different kinds of consciousness on the planet. I don’t have to explain that to Humans. Over time, you’ve seen the darkest of the dark and you’ve seen the lightest of the light. Dear ones, when you think about that which is beautiful and God-like, and when you think of the innocence of a child, your heart lightens. It’s beautiful light! The high consciousness of benevolence and beauty and harmony is the light we speak of, and darkness is just the opposite. What happens in a dark room when you light a candle? The darkness goes away. So light has always been that which will win over darkness if there’s enough of it – if there’s enough of it.

Darkness is low consciousness – slavery, death, killing and other attitudes that have no kindness or understanding of the preciousness of life. Darkness is in those who don’t even begin to understand the basic elements of love. You’ve seen it all, dear ones, and humanity knows what dark and light are.

Years ago, this planet started to prepare for the shift. Dear ones, you have free choice, but when a wild-card started to emerge in the ’80s and one of your larger governments ceased to exist, humanity turned a corner. That’s when you started the shift, and that’s when you disabled that which was going to be the Armageddon. If it had not been for this wild card [fall of the Soviet Union], your history would have been much different today, for that’s when the planet started to shift.

I want to remind you of what happened about that same time. When I came to my partner 28 years ago, the first news I gave him can still be read in the first communication [Kryon Book One]. I told him there would be no Armageddon. In those years, this went against common prophecy and was difficult to believe for many. However, that’s exactly what happened. Then I started to talk about magnetic service. Many have always wondered, “Why is Kryon of magnetic service?” It’s because I brought with me what I call the grid group. This is a metaphor, and it’s a linear idea so that you would understand it. It’s a “group” that would literally shift the magnetic grid of the planet physically. In channelling, we told you that the magnetic north would shift – what you read on the compass would shift – because the magnetics of the planet had to be adjusted to create the physics that would be the adjusted bed of new consciousness. Twenty-eight years ago, no one saw the alliance between physics and consciousness, and those who would listen to the channelling made fun of it. They didn’t understand. Today, there is an entire study of physics varying with consciousness and consciousness varying with physics. There’s not just an alliance, but a partnership where one affects the other.

We told you before, “You come from the stuff of the stars.” All that you are is part of all that is, so you’re not an isolated being who walks the earth totally and completely apart from it. Instead, you’re part of the chemistry of Earth, the physics of the Universe, and your planet has specific attributes that are just for you. You are part of a grand, planned system.

The magnetic grid had to physically move in order for the shift in consciousness that you were going to create. It did. By 2002, the grid group left and the new alignment was complete. Since you can measure the magnetic grid with a compass, you can validate all of this. Go back and check it out. Did the grid move or not? Oh, indeed it did – probably faster than anyone expected. It explains things that to this day people don’t realize.

Do you remember a time when the cetaceans [whales] were beaching themselves regularly all over the planet? Hundreds of them with their families would seemingly wash up on the beach for no apparent reason. Well-meaning Humans would often gather and, with great effort, tow these giant creatures back out to sea, only to watch the whales go in a circle, take their bearings, and head right back into the beach! That’s because whales navigate with something called magnetite, a built-in compass in their brains. The grid had moved so much that some of the migration routes that the whales used for decades changed so much in their headings that it sent them into the beaches instead of going safely along the coast, almost like a GPS system that was giving bad directions.

Did you notice that that whole episode of planet-wide beaching of whales stopped a while ago? Now they don’t do it often since they have recalibrated the migration routes to the new magnetics. Also, the magnetic shift stopped moving to the point it had before, and an entire generation of whales relearned the paths with new headings. I’m just giving you this to show you that what I’m telling you has credibility.

The shift was for you, dear ones. The physics of the planet had to shift for a new consciousness to begin. We’ve talked about the field, and my partner spoke of it today. It is beginning to increase. The field is physics that puts together harmonious energies, and one of them is the attributes of high consciousness. You may have seen physical explanations and displays of the field in the past, but I just told you you’re related to all this physics. That means that this physics is going to be your ally in a stronger way than ever before. That’s two things, but there’s actually more.

When it comes to the things that are sacred, some are beginning to be seen more. People all over the earth are starting to be far more receptive to new ideas of who they are, and are getting out of old paradigms they were taught. It’s happening all over the planet.

Now, dear ones, you’re not seeing these things on the news, because they are not being reported anywhere. This slow growth in perception and paradigm shift represents non-events, not the typical newsworthy items of drama and death. Sociologists will eventually see and report this, and history will record it also. These are the things that slowly change personally for Humans.

I sit in a theatre in Israel with old souls who have come to hear this information, who know who they are, and who believe in the esoteric teaching that says, “God is inside each Human.” It’s a spiritual axiom that states that the doctrine of behavior is inside, the prophets of the present and past are inside, and that all of the information about the return of the great prophets has already happened! Dear ones, they are all in the grid, and part of new consciousness.

Have you put this together yet? The return of your own prophet is in the field! How about that? He is not returning to an empty chair, but is present in the physics of “the field”. What better way to help all of humanity, not just one section of it. Now, that’s far-thinking, isn’t it? That’s all part of the shift, the return. There’s more.

New Light

The metaphor of new light. This term refers to light that’s never been here before. Let’s explain this: Today, light is more powerful than it has ever been before. Today, if you strike a match in a dark room, old soul, the match knows who you are and it becomes an enormous light. It fills the entire room. Before, in an older energy, it would have been one tiny match in a huge, dark room where nobody would have noticed. Many of you have gone through this shift. In the past, light and dark weren’t equal at all. Truly, darkness reigned on this planet. I don’t have to explain that to this group, do I?

You struggled through it, and now the new light is here. You don’t believe it yet, you haven’t tried it yet, but it’s starting to appear. Light is more powerful today than it ever was before. If you continue this path, the light will win. However, the struggle with you is this: Many don’t believe it since for generations the situation has been the same. Are you going to let the past determine the future?

Here is another attribute: Light is starting to lead the way. When you strike a match, you simply create a little light where you are, but when you turn on a spotlight or a lighthouse, it illuminates everything around you. You can see where you’re going because you’ve got new light. It’s actually very new. “What does that mean in common language, Kryon?” It means that your intuition is better today than ever before. Your intuition is what lets you walk forward into that which you think is dark. You always are asking: “Is it right, is it wrong? Is it good, is it bad? Is it for me, or not?” Imagine an intuition that lights the way so there’s no question anymore! Now, how many of you have tried that lately? Have you tested your intuition lately?

Let’s look at another attribute: Light helps the evolvement of Human consciousness. Metaphorically, this new light exposes things you never saw before. If you only have a match, you’re going to wander around and fall over things and stumble. However, if you have a bright light, you’ll see the things that used to be in the dark and move quickly and with confidence. You will have new ideas that have never been tried. There will be processes that have never been thought of. Things that are brand new will occur, and you’ll look at them and say, “Why didn’t someone think of this before?”

There will be things that will work today that would never have worked before because light is exposing them. There will be new thinking, new ideas, new kinds of ways of making things work that never worked before. This is the real difference – receptivity to things that would not have been viable in the old energy. Exposure to truth and reality does that.

The magnetic grid and the field will be pushing together to create harmony between Human Beings, but you hold the match, old soul. Are you going to let the match become the lighthouse or will you fall on the old paradigms of history – a dim light that you could never use because it showed you nothing new?

Are you ready for new information? Here is something I have not stated before: When you hear it, you might say, “Kryon, you can’t be right about this one.” The new light actually creates more of itself. Think about that. Think about you being the spotlight, and suddenly there are two lights! I didn’t say it came from another Human, did I? Light creates light. More can see, and suddenly the room that you’re in is brighter than anything you could do by yourself. You might say it’s carried by an angel? How can light create itself? How can high consciousness multiply? It’s because of the new physics. Dear ones, I want you to understand this. We knew this was coming and that’s why you’re seeing what you’re seeing. Light can create more of itself when the Human who is creating it knows about “God inside”.

Have you ever seen a person laughing so hard that everyone around him starts laughing? Soon, the whole room is laughing. How does that work exactly? Perhaps it’s because laughter multiplies itself through joyful energy? Think about it. The person who first laughed can then leave the room while all the others continue laughing. Was it an energy that was shared, or was it an energy that created more of itself? Light can multiply now since it is carried by those who are aware of this great shift and what it brings to the planet.

I’ll give you the final one, number five.

**Light lets others see you! You can’t hide anymore. If you are a balanced Human Being with enough love in your heart, you can’t hide it. First, others are going to ask: “I see you’re different. You’re not who you used to be. You’re a little more relaxed than you should be. What happened?” People will ask who you are or what you’ve done to create a new balance in your life. What do you say? It’s easy. Tell the truth: “I feel different; I have a new attitude towards the creator and who I am. It’s not religion; it’s a personal awareness of who I am. God is bigger than I thought. I feel so peaceful. I feel the love of the masters has come down and they’re here in me. I’m not worrying anymore, and I’m not as anxious about things. I’m learning to handle some issues that I never could handle before.”

If you say that to a friend or a neighbor, in this new energy they are not going to run the other way. If you told them, “Well, I’ve got a new religion or a new prophet,” they absolutely will run the other way. This is because what you have is personal and not a system. There is nothing to join and no rules – just a new and beautiful internal compass.

Light is winning and this is why we say what we say here in Israel. In this country, in this land, as small as it is with so many cultures and languages, you’re going to see a shift in the situation that you didn’t expect. There will be those who come along with ideas you’ve never heard before. There will be attitudes on both sides that will be very different than before. Along the way, you’re going to think, “Where did this come from? Why didn’t we have this before? Why wasn’t somebody smart enough in the past to figure this out? Why is the reacceptance so different for things that were dismissed before?” When this happens, you’ll know I’m right because I’ve seen it before with other situations that were just as difficult. With higher consciousness comes greater light, and the new light is serving you even now in its infancy.

Now, let me tell you what the catalyst is – it’s you! Do you believe it or not? “Kryon, I want to believe it, I want to believe it!” Good! Then why don’t you show it? Many of you are going to leave here the same, but others are going to have a bigger light. This is the real issue. How married are you to the status quo and the idea that it can never change?

That’s the message of Kryon. Oh, there will be more, but for now, dear ones, don’t be afraid of the love of God. You are an ancient culture that exposed the one God to the planet. Now expose what the one God can do in this new energy!

Old souls all over the planet are listening to this. It’s the same message for them. I say to them, that’s why you’re here. That’s why you’re here. I’ve seen it before. Collectively, you control the speed of this shift. A very few of you can make a great change with what you do personally with yourself right now.

What a beautiful message this is! Doesn’t it feel like it has come from the one God? With all that you know, and with all that your lineage tells you, feel it! God shines on humanity right now with a light that was never there before, because you’re ready and worthy to go forward into peace.

Think of these things.

And so it is.



**These words are almost an exact copy of what has been said to me in the last few months and approximately how I’ve answered back. I heard, “You’re different. More relaxed. More peaceful, even compared to last year. What are you doing?” Now I have a really good way, thanks to Kryon, to answer this question next time it comes up. Mostly I have said, I am different. I feel different. I am more at peace. I like me now. I understand who I am now. It’s a personal evolution. And have left it there because it has felt too complicated to explain how I got here! It was such a lengthy process for me, and Kryon and Eloheim were a huge part of it for me.

I plan to use Kryon’s answer next time I am asked about how different I seem: “I feel different; I have a new attitude towards the creator and who I am. It’s not religion; it’s a personal awareness of who I am. God is bigger than I thought. I feel so peaceful. I feel the love of the masters has come down and they’re here in me. I’m not worrying anymore, and I’m not as anxious about things. I’m learning to handle some issues that I never could handle before.”