Hello again! It feels like I have been MIA here. I have had one laser focus for the last two weeks, and that was to find a used car to replace my rusty, old faithful while staying within a tight budget and preferred guidelines. Despite a thorough and constant search, it’s been unsuccessful. This is something I have had on my mind for months because my old car has kept me town-bound since I arrived, and I want to have a vehicle for the next time I come back – which may see me returning Stateside to live again.
So, I finally felt the time was right to find a “new” used car, and I started looking. I have sent out numerous messages since then via email, text, and voice, to either deafening silence or, in one case, someone not being completely open with me and selling their vehicle to someone else the night before I was to go and get it.
All along, I remain very aware of the benefit of staying neutral, not only in this car search, but also in the volatile political, work, and family arenas, which has been crazy lately. I don’t always succeed.
It’s not been an easy walk.
I do well, I slip, I see it, I readjust. I do well for a while, slip, notice the slippage, and pivot again.
I am trying to remember to apply all the things I’ve learned in my spiritual life, like balancing my body, personality/ego and awareness/soul-not letting one or the other run the show-and staying out of telling stories or applying judgments and staying out of outcome. Eloheim likens this to flying a drone, when one side is is off-balance, it wobbles, and maybe, crashes. I’ve been a bit wobbly.
This car search is beginning to “drive” me bonkers. Pun intended. As much as I am trying to remain neutral and listen to my inner guidance, the car is staying out of my life. I’m sure, no, I know I am the one in charge of this, yet still, the path to it remains illusive and I really don’t know why or what I need to do to facilitate things anymore.
So, tonight I decided to put it all aside for a while. I need to take a break and just let it be. With the car, politics, and especially, other opinions in my life. I know I am not processing things in a productive or centered way at the moment, and I need to step back.
Time to just be me and breathe for a bit. Maybe get back to writing a bit more. Visit with friends. Whatever comes up! And maybe that will be a car, who knows?
Hasta mañana everyone.