Today I ran into the Salvation Army to pick up some cute summer shirts. I love shopping there, all the brands in one place and lots to choose from, it just takes patience and a bit of trying on to find things that I love and that fit.
As I waited in line to pay, I observed an older lady trying stuff her purchases from her cart into her backpack. I was second in line from the register, and as I watched, she took stuff out of the backpack and put it back in several times, struggling to zip it closed. When I was next, I was thinking, geez, I wish someone would help her! Headslap! Duh! That would be me!! So I abandoned my cart -with my purse in it, mind you – and walked over and asked her if I could help her. She was so sweet and so grateful, and after a bit of unsuccessful wrangling with the backpack and contents, I heard, Next! I looked up and told the lady standing behind my cart to go in front of me and went back to helping my new friend. We finally got her things stuffed inside and zipped up, and when I started back over to the line, my cart was gone and the lady originally standing behind me was still there. Confused, I stopped and looked around. The lady was grinning at me. She said she had taken my cart up to the counter and the cashier was already ringing up my purchases. Wow, I said, Thank you! I truly was blown away.
So, one kindness begat another. Maybe like that commercial that used to play on tv, that one act today will continue to spread out and she will be the next recipient, eh? I have had such a good feeling from that interaction all day long.
During the past week or so, I’ve been feeling very tender inside. Sensitive. Tears at the slightest thought. Needing to withdraw and love myself while in this state, nourishing and refilling my sense of well being. It’s been a challenge not to let the violent and sneaky acts of late in the outside world, as well as several personal events, drag me under and hold me there. And while allowing myself to feel what I feel and work through it, I also have to remind myself not to beat myself up for going through all of it, for being triggered, AGAIN.
Although it seems to me like I have worked through things, bam, they show up again later when I least expect them. However, I do know that life goes in a spiral, not backwards, so while I am bumping into my triggers again, I can feel the reactions are much less severe and easier to move through than ever before, due to my own evolutionary growth.
That incident today at the SA, by the way, was a huge pick-me-up.
There are times it is necessary to remind myself who I AM and that no one, not my family, not my spiritual teachers, and most definitely not the outside world, gets to tell me who I am. I know and honor who I AM because I live here in me, not them.
And when I have situations like today, I think, yes, that’s who I AM, someone who gives and shares and also, receives love.
Hang in there folks. Nourish and love yourself, because that’s where it all begins.