This coming month will be a busy one for me. My 36-year-old daughter is having surgery this coming Thursday to repair a long-term, debilitating issue. I have family coming in from out of state for a visit midmonth, my grandson is having his graduation party here at the June’s end, and I am putting my camper up for sale.
We feel this will be the last surgery for my daughter for at least another twenty years, perhaps for life, what with all the advances since her first one 25 years ago. I did suggest to her that she change her thoughts and words about her physical state so the surgery has the best possible results for her. She is not where I am as far as personal awareness goes so we shall see. I believe in her though. She just needs to believe in herself!
So I will be helping her out with the recovery, with her kids, and her son’s graduation festivities. She also wants to job hunt and move asap.
My personal car is nearing the end of its life. It has lots of problems, not the least of which is rust underneath. We got told, “I wouldn’t put any more money into it.” Hahaha. Alright. I always said I didn’t want another car payment and would drive this one until it dies. So now I am going to sell my popup camper, something I loved but has gotten very little use over the decade that I have owned it, especially since my kids and grandkids decided they were “too old” to go camping with me. I will get what I can out of it and see what that buys me for a vehicle to run around in while I am in the States. I need to finish cleaning it out and slap a For Sale sign on it this week. Feels like another way I am letting go of the past.
I haven’t decided where I want to move, but probably next springtime I will be leaving Panama unless something changes. I am looking around, trying to decide what matters most to me and in what order: climate, cost of living, availability of housing, proximity to my daughter and family, job situation, friendly and loving residents, language, spiritual community access. I have found I missed the ease of speaking my native language and I really want to have a part time job, something I can’t legitimately do in Panama. Though I love the Spanish language, I miss so much with the rapidity of their speech. It’s been really nice to walk into a store during the last two months and speak freely to someone without thinking, oh heck, I don’t know the word for that! I also really miss being around my kids during the holidays and other events. And I very much would like to have the rest of my “stuff,” eg my sewing supplies, with me wherever I live. Then there’s my cats. They rarely leave my side when I am in the house and I have loved being able to cuddle with them again. Maybe I’ll be able to have them with me, too. Just a lot to consider over the next year.
This year’s visit back to my old home has been easier on me as far as being able to stay in my truth, in the current version of me during upsets (not mine) and conversations with other people. I feel like I can witness and reflect and emanate the hard-won peace and wisdom I have found in the past two years. It’s been interesting. On a compare-me-to-me basis, I am very happy with myself. While on some days – actually it’s more often moments rather than days – I have to stay on top of my thoughts so I don’t join in the lower/denser energetics that are projected around me, on most days, I feel very centered and in a good place. And I watch those around me look at me, confused because I do not react like I used to and don’t join them in their stories and static. I can thank my studies and tools via Eloheim for these new abilities!
Finally it has finally warmed up here in upstate NY so I am no longer cold. Yay for that! Shorts are still rarely worn as of yet, but I have moved up to short sleeves and flip flops! Panama definitely spoiled me. In many ways. 🙂
Off to bed now. Talk to you soon. Have a great week, my friends.