You’re Not The Boss Of Me Anymore

I shared this on my Eloheim group and I wanted to share it here. Sometimes I just slide into Old Me and don’t even notice. Or I react with less than the me I prefer to be. Sometimes I am hard on myself when I “fail” to live up to my own expectations, so when I “pivot” from one mindset to another, more preferable and enjoyable mindset, I gotta celebrate that, too!

I went on a boat ride Saturday evening with my son and husband and there we found a place on the lake to eat. Well, it’s Saturday, and tourist and summer resident season here on the lakes and thus, super busy. Of course, we had no reservation since this was a spur of the moment boat ride. We ended up on the deck near the water which had a bar and a limited menu and one overworked waitress for the many tables which kept filling up. That was fine, we all found something we could eat there, and so we sat and waited.

However, it was very crowded and there were two sources of competing music and I found myself in an anxious state of mind, wanting to get it over with and wondering how long it was all going to take. (Why did it matter, that time thing anyway??) I was looking at my husband and feeling how annoyed he was getting and sliding deep into old feelings.

While gazing at the water and feeling overwhelmed, I found myself thinking, if I were in Panama, by myself or with my new friends, how would I be feeling, what would I be doing, how would I be experiencing this moment? Well shit. I definitely wouldn’t be in this state of mind! I would be soaking up every minute and checking out the people and the view and relaxing. And I would be smiling.

 In that moment, I felt a giant shift.

I took a deep breath and let go of all that I had been feeling from others and in myself and started over. I put myself back in the Panama place, into the current version of me instead of old me. Current Version looked around with new eyes and no judgements. It was so cool, it was like the old me with all her yucky feelings left the premises and new me took over and enjoyed the hell out of the time spent there. Like I shut the door and walked in a new room and started over. Nothing else had changed in the situation but me.

I felt like I was giving permission for my higher self to have the full joy of the experience.

After we ate and listened to some good, live music, we left. I froze my butt off on the boat ride back while the boys laughed at me and donated extra clothing. This also had to be another conscious choice to remain lighthearted instead of grumbling or wishing the time away just so I could be warm again. I was cold but I was also soaking in the feel of the boat going over the water, the wind in my face, the views of the beautiful green hills and the variety of cottages lining the lake. At one point, I noticed my son driving the boat towards the opposite shore and I knew right away he was doing that to be in the sun for me. He turned around and gave me a quick glance when we got out of the shade. Our eyes met, and I mouthed, thank you. He smiled. I loved that moment of telepathy, no words needed. 

One simple change in my stance, a step over into a different reality made all the difference in the evening for me. This is one experience I need to remember and refer to again and again. And I feel like patting myself on the back because there are many times it has taken me a lot longer to regain my center, sometimes way after the fact. Old Me tends to jump in because she’s done this so many times, it’s just the old normal. This time, Old Me didn’t get to be the boss for very long.

I really like Current Me, she’s got super powers I haven’t even tapped yet. She’s just not used to be in charge all the time.

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