Next week we leave this gorgeous place and head back to our respective countries for a visit. I have been spending a lot of time in introspection, renewing and fortifying my abilities to live in a completely authentic way that lets me be in the energies I left behind, even if only briefly, without melting down again. This surely will be a test of my growth and my spiritual tools.
Though a beautiful state, there’s a very dense energy to the upstate NY area I grew up and lived in for most of my life. It’s not a wealthy area by any means and many are on public assistance. There’s often a gruffness, a defensiveness, a hurry-it-up mode that is present, and I see an overall lack of respect for other people and different paths. Frequently I feel a sense of entitlement from people. “I should get this because…” with no real exchange of energy offered. And a majority of folks there seem to be in survival and fear modes. Work, pay bills, do what you gotta do to get by, and do this as quickly as possible. Or not work and pick up an assistance check because you need transportation to get to work, yet you can’t afford a car because you need a job! It’s a vicious cycle. Smiles to strangers are rare. For that reason alone, I am so glad to no longer be buried in that energy and hope I’ve grown enough to stay in my center while I visit.
I love living here in Panama for many reasons but mostly because people here appreciate each other and are very kind souls. Most work for very little pay, but they are happy. And a majority work very hard for their money. But they also play hard and enjoy and celebrate each other on many occasions. They smile and say Buenas Dias a lot, to everybody.
(Skip this next part if you don’t want to hear me talk about my Kangen journey.) Beyond that, I admit to being a little nervous about my business venture. While in NY I plan to begin introducing the Kangen waters to all the unhealthy folks who live there, in the hopes that it will not only help them feel physically healthier, but will extend to improving their emotional selves. Water seems like such a simple thing and I want to educate them about how important it is to your well-being. Our body is mostly water, about 70%, with the brain being approximately 73% and the blood 90% comprised of water. I truly never realized how dehydrated and acidic I was until I started on this water! I certainly never drank enough to support a healthy body and I could feel myself becoming less healthy every year. The water in my hometown is gross. Really gross. It tastes like metal. I have never liked the taste so I didn’t drink it much and neither do most of the folks I know there. I also hated how it made my skin and hair feel. My skin used to feel like the Sahara and my hair was never healthy back then. Since I’ve been here I have seen so many benefits first hand just from my own intake of Kangen water – improvements on my hair, gums, skin, digestion, and muscles – to seeing many benefits come from others’ experiences. I’ve done a ton of research, and know that there is 40 years of personal, company, institutional and scientific proof behind the health benefits, as well as it being a rock solid company, so I feel confident in the product. I am specifically looking forward to seeing how it helps my daughter’s gut health issues that she’s had since she was a preteen who experienced two major abdominal operations in two years.
However, there’s a bit of a sticking point to all this. My old self doubts like to rear their heads when I step out of my known comfort zone. This is where my recent personal growth needs to come into play. My internal Zena must step up and let that confidence be present in my interactions. I recognize that I have a tendency to let my introvert take over when an extrovert gets in my face for any reason. That will likely be a challenge and something I continue to need to be conscious of and improve while in the old energy.
We leave the 25th and I plan to visit for all of June and half of July. I want to get into my old sewing room and see what I can create while I’m there, hang out a lot with my kids and grandkids, and watch my granddaughter play softball for the 5th year in a row. I’ll also probably visit old friends. Other than that, I don’t have any expectations.
I know I will miss my new friends here and the mountain views. And oh yeah, I will miss Leo who lives across the street. He doesn’t really understand English but visits us every day with a big smile.