Throughout most of my life, I have been uncomfortable with my name. I like writing it, I like reading it, I think it flows and and it’s pretty to look at. And I have a strong affinity for The Wizard of Oz and the message of the story. However, I’ve always felt it was an old lady name (guess what, I’m there now lol). And when I hear it, it doesn’t feel like me. So, recently I thought, this seems like a good time to make a change. New life, new geography, new people, new purpose, new name. Thing is, I’ve not yet found one that suits me or feel right.
Last night before I gave up to slumber, I asked for help in what to do about my name. Should I change it, keep it, please show me a sign, an obvious sign of what is best for me. And then forgot that I asked.
Today someone posted a video and I wasn’t going to listen to it, it’s long and I wasn’t really in the mood. Finally I came back to it as it was recommended by two of my Eloheim tribe members. I loved the message, by the way, and got a lot out it. Near the end, as I was beginning to be done with sitting and wanted to get up, these words hit me like a brick, “Keep your name.” Wait, what did he just say!? I relaxed back in my chair and pondered the message he was giving about names. Holy shit. I then remembered my request for a sign. This message is for me.
I am going to re-listen again just so I can hear what I missed or forgot, but basically, rejecting my name is a rejection of myself and my past. It is nonacceptance of a part of me. It’s pushing part of me away because I don’t like it and no longer want it associated with me. As Eloheim would say, it’s not being kind to myself.
This is major. I could feel the truth of those words in my gut.
Later, I went to Colette Baron Reid’s site to draw a card and asked, what message do I need to hear about changing my name? I got Owl.
Time to dig deep and shed light on this dislike of my name. Where did it start? How did it begin? How can I learn to love that part of me and form a new relationship with my given name?
Fascinating. Look what happens when you ask. Everything begins inside. It’s all about your relationship with yourself. Perhaps I can incorporate my new life with my old name just by adding something to it instead of completely deleting it. After I do some excavation of old thoughts and beliefs, that is.