I have had a few readings lately from two of my favorite teachers, trying to understand what I have created in my life and attempting to relax my impatience with the pace. I needed a lot of help to find some peace in myself, and along with my dear friends, I turned to these two talented readers/channelers. One is is Veronica Torres who channels Eloheim and the other is Lisa Gawlas.
Both say the same things, in different words, but they give the exact same message. Since my friend and I moved here away from all we have known for over fifty years, we each have been releasing many layers of dense, heavy energy, a purging of what is no longer needed or wanted. It’s not been pleasant. Our bodies are trying to adjust to all the changes and each layer we release requires us to accommodate the body’s needs for more rest.
Both my cohort and I have had roller coaster days of feeling good, then a day where we are down. Neither of us has been ill much at all in the last few years so this is annoying. Often our bodies feel shaky and without stamina. On those days, we rest. If we push too hard, then it may take two days to feel better instead of one! Other days we wonder where all this lovely energy came from and we get caught up with chores or head to the store to pick up supplies or attempt to discuss our next step. Sometimes we can even make a decision. With the body and emotions all in a grand stir, decisions are rarely made because there is no brain power or clarity available.
But underneath it all, there is some part of us that has been feeling like nothing at all is happening. It seems like we are not accomplishing a damn thing. We have nothing outwardly to show for our three months in Panama. When I look at it that way, it’s depressing. When I look at it through someone else’s eyes back where we came from, we have done nothing but spend money. The pace feels incredibly slow.
Now, I know that’s being very judgemental and dismissive about the inner work we have done so far. In truth, we both have done a lot of internal work and made some great progress. Comparing me to me, how I feel now to how compared to how I felt three months ago is very different and much more in line with the true Me, the me I have always wanted to be but buried long ago. Likely it’s not very visible to anyone else though.
When those thoughts arise, I am not being kind to myself, which is Eloheim’s one and only rule for humans. “You don’t get to be mean to yourself!” They will stop me cold if I even begin to sound like that when I am speaking to them. Thing is, most of the time I don’t even realise that I’m being mean to myself! I have done this for so long that it’s an ingrained habit and I don’t even know I’m doing it. I pat myself on the back when I catch it.
Unfortunately, I know I’m not alone in this as most women (and some men) have learned the same self deprecating habit from childhood.
Oh, thanks, I got it on sale, I say in response to compliments on my style. Or I got it at Salvation Army, when someone says they like my shirt. Oh my hair’s a mess today and I have a pimple right here, see? when someone says I look nice. When I create something and it is admired, I often point out the “flaws” that only I notice. As for my spiritual growth, I will think or say, oh it’s nothing, or it took me long enough! or I deny it all together when someone points it out.
We put ourselves down when we haven’t measured up to our own expectations of perfection. Sometimes we procrastinate. Sometimes we even give up trying to attain that lofty dream, or any dream at all, because of our harsh judgements and criticisms about the self.
It take constant conscious vigilance to simply catch myself doing this. Criticizing myself, belittling accomplishments, dismissing compliments, expecting things to be different and to happen or manifest sooner than they do, expecting more out of my human body than is possible at the current time – all methods of being unkind to myself. I am good at all of them. And by good, I mean, not good. This is not kind to myself if I use these as my guides for life.
To be fully embodied as a homospiritus – the physical body and the soul working together in unison – we first must allow ourself to love ourself unconditionally, without judging anything in our life as wrong or flawed. Love the “flaws” and pimples and holey shirts and unruly hair and crooked toes and wrinkles and wayward thoughts and unplanned events and even the “slow” progress. We’re learning from it. It’s all part of the Divine Plan that we may not fully understand yet. It’s time to stop criticizing our humanness.
And by we, I mean me.