You may not think you can do it, may not think you know how, may not think you’ll survive – There are special, difficult times in life when you just have to step off the cliff and trust that you’ll fly. If you know with all your heart what you need to do, even if you’re terrified, then take that first step with trust. That’s all you need to do – just that first step – and then life can turn golden. If this feels like where you are today, remember it’s not all up to you to figure out. Just that first step. I’m sending you love and courage.
This past week has tested my courage and stamina. Up and down, around and around my thoughts and feelings have gone. Jean Haner nailed it. Many fears have popped up regarding money, prospects, even Panama itself, as well as frustrations around my cat. And never mind the never-ending paperwork and timelines!
I finally decided I needed to be kicked in the fanny by Eloheim and scheduled a 15 minute session with them today. They helped me immensely. Both Veronica and Eloheim gave me super helpful input.
As I told Veronica about all the damned paperwork, she said, It sounds like you feel bossed around by your paperwork. Hell yeah! I so do! Authority figure stuff, that is one of my triggers. I don’t like being told what to do in the first place and all this paperwork feels stupid and redundant and I DON’T WANT TO DO IT ANYMORE! But I have to if I want to live there, so there ya go. When I feel like this, I am jumping to outcome and out of the current moment. Staying present with the piece of paper as I fill out the information will be most helpful.
Eloheim then came in and helped me with my fears, one at a time. Fears are about being in outcome, they reminded me. And it’s like driving the car with the brake on. You won’t get anywhere and will ruin the car in the process. Which reminds me of the dream I had a few days ago. I was at a place where lots of events or individual sessions were going on and I was a bit annoyed that I had missed going to see a friend who read palms because I ran out of time. She happened to be going by and asked me why I didn’t come see her. Then she grabbed my hand with both of hers and started rubbing her thumbs up and down my right palm. She said, I don’t get anything, you’re blocked. You’re afraid. No, I said, I’m not! and felt miffed she said that. Then I thought about it and went, ok well, maybe I am. From that dream, I can now see I am feeling blocked by my fears, and nothing will be able to be created if I continue like this. The right hand is where your energy is outgoing, where you make things manifest physically. Fears cannot be allowed to run my life so I need to find a different way to deal with them as they come up.
With Eloheim’s input, I made the decision to leave my cat here with someone for six months until I can return sometime next summer to pick her up. This way, I can do property searches and get myself settled somewhere first. I just couldn’t figure out how I was going to manage logistics having her to take care of while I did what I needed to do to find a place in which to live and work. (Now to explain it to her!!) Eloheim told me that taking her with me in the beginning was putting too much stress on me and it’s definitely not being kind to myself or her. And yes, they were so right. I was feeling very frazzled about it. I love her so much and want to do right by her and just was not sure how to work it out. This was a solution that eased my mind.
They also walked me through my main fears and suggested I say this when one pops up, okay I thought that thought today, then put it aside. If it’s a fear my partners and I want to talk about, then we need to give ourselves a time limit, five minutes each, no more. Also, they reminded me that fear is contagious. I spend my days in the car at work (and spend way too much time thinking!) so simply keeping a pad of paper with me with my fears written down on it would be very helpful. As one comes up, I am to check it off, Ok, I thought that thought today, check! so I don’t keep on thinking the same thought. It’s self-flagellation, it’s familiar suffering, and we humans seem to do that a lot. I am no exception. Think it once, put it aside. Because if thinking could have solved it, I would have solved it long ago, to paraphrase one of E’s teachings.
We talked about what those ex-pat websites said and how some of them and some people just express the negative and if we don’t go into this venture with that mindset, then that is not what we are going to experience. What others experience does not need to be my experience. True! I had only wonderful experiences while there so that is how I plan to continue. My intention, my vibration will make sure of that. I knew all this. I just needed to be reminded.
Finally, we talked about money. Eloheim said whatever I am to experience around money, I will experience it here or there, it won’t matter where I am. Hmmm. New thought there. I like it! The trajectory I am on has been towards making more money every year for the last ten years, after years of hand-to-mouth living this feels good. So. That’s my plan. I intend that to continue! I can get on board with that.
I feel much better. About many things. I had just gotten on the hamster wheel this week and had a hard time getting off by myself so I needed some extra help. Okay, so now it’s back to one step at a time and staying out of fear.
I feel so blessed that I have so many options for support. I used to feel very alone and unsupported in life but not anymore. Plus I didn’t like asking for help. Now I just go, hmmm, which of my many supportive friends can I tap this time? Between my physical and nonphysical friends, it’s a great feeling to know I have help available for those times when I am feeling shaky. What a change this is from years ago and it still amazes me that I am here in this place. I wish the same for all of you who visit me here. My personal sessions are such a blessing to me and I love gifting them to you. Perhaps they can be helpful to you as well. Sharing the wisdom that is shared with me really makes me happy.
Off I go to work minus the hamster wheel of fear this week…..happy Monday!