Sometimes you go along on this spiritual path and think, how much more releasing and healing is there to do here? I’ve been doing this for years! Haven’t I cleared and cleared everything, what else could be left? I can’t think of what else needs to be healed. Then you get hit between the eyes with insight.
That was me.
My ex son-in-law got remarried in a beautiful church wedding to a beautiful young girl over Christmas. Talk about triggers. All kinds of them exploded in me. He left my daughter and their kids, found a younger girl who actually loves him, and married her in another church wedding like my daughter’s wedding. With my favorite color as the theme. Which I then stalked on Facebook so I could see the pictures.
So, my daughter’s love wasn’t enough for him? His kids didn’t mean enough to him? Our family wasn’t enough for him? She’s so pretty, what does she see in this critical, unhappy man? He doesn’t deserve to be happy after what he did. Why should he get to be happy when my daughter is not? They spoiled my favorite color. On and on went the inner conversations about him.
Oh boy. Doesn’t that sound spiritual and high-minded?
But looking at the pictures, I realised she looks so in love with him. He is actually smiling at her like he loves her. I’m not sure I ever saw that look aimed at my daughter. Even in their wedding photos.
I had a real aha moment as I looked at that picture. They are happy. I really can’t begrudge joy.
It made me stop and go deep within because I realised here is an area of unforgiveness in me that I hadn’t yet addressed. Here is an area in me that is not pleasant to look upon. Here is a dark corner of icky. Why is it easier to forgive those who hurt you than it is to forgive those who hurt your babies?
I had to do some serious self talk to find a new way to look at this situation. And to forgive and let go of the bitterness. I can’t be all I want to be if I harbor these feelings about someone.
Here is a bit of how it went: He is no longer a part of my life and will never be. His life is his life. His choices are his to make and live with, not mine. He was always angry and critical and I no longer have to be a part of that. His new wife will be the one to live with all that he puts out, not me. That part of my life was a learning experience and it’s time to own the wisdom and let the experience go. He hurt my daughter and grandson, and they experienced it, it’s part of their learning. They chose this part of their lives when they planned it before they incarnated. As did he. I can love and hold space for my family while they choose their way from now on. He actually did my daughter and the kids a favor by leaving so that they are not in a constant state of tension anymore. I thank the new girl for taking him off of our hands. She is good to the kids and provides a buffer between them and their father. I have my own new things to experience. My attention needs to remain with myself so I will stay in my own energy and mind my own business. His new life has no bearing on mine, happy or otherwise.
Finally I got to, I am happy he found some happiness. I am happy his new wife is happy. I can let go of the bitterness and let it be. What is, IS. I forgive myself for feeling so mean about him and forgive him for all the unkindness he expressed. He’s got his own issues that are his to handle. From this point on, I choose to let go of my resistance to this fact of life, that he has moved on to a new phase without his first family. Everyone is much happier, more at peace, and better off separate. It’s a good thing he is happy, that means he is not expressing negativity to the kids or his ex-wife. Happy is a preferred state!
I forgive myself. I forgive him. I forgive her. I am moving on. I cut that cord of bitterness and watch it snap. I send all his energy still connected to me back to him and call back all my own energy that he might be holding onto. I wish him well.
Done. Deep breath in. Exhale. Feeling much lighter.