My son is 31. And as an adult, actually ever since he got to be around ten, is quite reserved in his affections. As a little boy, he was my shadow, my little buddy, my cuddlebug. I don’t think I appreciated it as well as I could have. I just remember thinking at times, how do I get him off my leg and out of my bed?! Finally yes, he got more independent and I cheered, since I didn’t want a son who lived home with his mommy until one of us died!
So now I rarely see him even though he lives only about 3-4 blocks away from me. I let him have his life so he doesn’t feel smothered. If I need him or vice versa, we are there for each other. I do wish he would stop in and chat more often or ask me to go to a meal with him on occasion but I don’t expect it or rue it. It is what it is. He is smart, independent and takes care of his needs.
Today I passed him as I was going into a parking lot and he was leaving. We stopped, rolled down the windows, did our customary, “Son” “Mother” greetings and smiled at each other. God I love this boy and what a handsome guy he has turned out to be. Well, naturally I would say that seeing how he was a beautiful child and oh yeah, he is mine.
I asked what he was doing there and found out he had the day off. We discussed his fairly new position, a position created for him with a small raise. I asked him how he liked it, did he like it any better than he did at first? “Not really,” was his response, “but what am I supposed to do, stand still?”
Wow. Stunned, I had to process that one. How very homospiritus that sounded to me and he is not one to even consider spirituality. It was also surprising to hear that from him since he was a very lazy child and always did the least amount of work he could get away with at the time. His room was a disaster. He had many issues at his first few jobs, working was not his strong suit, he wanted to play all the time. He is committed to his job and has been responsible as a manager for over ten years. He also works on the side fixing computers, something he taught himself to do. As a kid, he left tools everywhere as well as dirty socks and dishes. His home is always, always clean (he lives alone these days). He has a boat and a car and a motorcycle and interest in two apartment houses. His garage is tidy and organised. How far he has come! I have watched him grow into a man who has plans and goals and dreams and works towards them. All this went through my head in about 5 seconds.
In answer I thought, but didn’t say, well, your dad did. Another was, cool, he’ll understand when I move on and stop standing still in this place.
Instead I said, “Some people do,” and smiled at him. “Not me!” he said.
We pulled away from each other in opposite directions and I impulsively threw him a kiss through the window. And he returned it! I have never seen my son blow a kiss to anyone! My heart got really full. I felt so loved.
What a lovely two-minute encounter that was, it made my day. Hell, it made my whole week. I shall smile every time I think of him doing that. I’m sure he’d think it was nothing but it was the world to me. It makes all those years of hair-pulling (out of my own head) and frustration raising him worth every second!