Clearing A Tugging on the Heartstrings

I recently had another session with Michael Dake, who does energetic bodywork and massage.  I wish I was close enough to do the physical work with him but working with him on the phone is potent as well.  I have to feel connected to someone to work with them and I felt it the first time I saw his name, then I noticed where he lived.  He got me for sure at that point as it was in Idaho where some of my happiest and most expansive years were lived.

This session ended up being mostly about letting my daughter go energetically so I can move forward with ease.  He saw a female hanging from my neck on my back and asked if this was about my daughter.  Yes, absolutely.  I could literally hear her say, Noooo Mommy, don’t leave me! when he said that, even before he asked who it was.  I knew this was her.  After her meltdown a couple of weeks ago, this didn’t surprise me that it came up.  I had kind of put it aside though, hoping I had resolved it with her.  Obviously not, as it still hung around me, energetically.

I wasn’t weepy to start, had come to terms with leaving her, but he walked me through a releasing of her and my own feelings of abandonment.  And then the tears and emotions came up.  Abandonment.  Her core wound in this lifetime, but my tug of guilt for leaving her here to deal with what is left when I go was still there, inside me.  I have always been there for her.  I never wanted to be one of those parents like my own three sets of parents who left their child to deal with everything on their own.  Parents who basically said, I’m busy, go raise yourself.  So, like she told me, I have been the stable one in the family.  Now, if you know me, you are aware I was not a “helicopter” parent at all.  My kids were taught independence and self-reliance, but they have always known mom is there when the chips are down and they needed back up.  Now mom won’t be there for the physical things, and it’s a radical change for both of us.

So Michael helped me to release this energy.  It was not easy.  I am still working through the emotions even as I write this.  He and my team clarified how it will open more doors for both of us, and more opportunities for travel and meeting people, for her as well as me.  I knew this.  Mentally.  And my heart knows this.  Emotionally it has been a struggle to leave the girl I dreamt of birthing and who grew into my best friend.  She has been the one person who has understood me through and through all these years, even more so than my husband.  So Eloheim‘s saying to me, No one will give you permission, No one is going to agree with your decision, and You have to give your own self permission, is right on target (of course).  And I have.  But this will be the hardest thing I have ever done.  However, I have no doubts it needs to happen for my own sake.  And it will give her opportunity to grow more into her own sense of self, without having me in the background of her life waiting to catch her if she falls.   No question, should it come to something traumatic, I would be there for her physically in less than a day if needed.

Friday I went and had the fingerprints done and sent to the FBI so I can get the background check done for my visa approval process to live in Panama.  One more step taken towards my goal.  I am staying present so I don’t get overwhelmed.  Otherwise all the steps this involves would freak me out and I would quit.  That’s my usual M.O.   When I was standing there having my fingerprints done, I was literally shaking, thinking, omg, this shit is getting real now!

I am taking a dream and making it real, one baby step at a time.  I have so much support, energetically and with my online friends and teams, I can hardly fathom it anymore, and my dream is finally happening before my eyes.  Thank you everyone, physical and nonphysical.  And you know who you are.  I have needed those boots and pushes and encouragements you all give me.  Michael, thank you for your work with me.  Amazing stuff.  I am exceedingly grateful for each and every one of you.

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