How’s It Feel?

Yesterday I hurried into work at the last minute so I could run off my schedule for today.  I had been gone the whole day with no time to get into the office any earlier so it was nearly five o’clock by then.  One of the other transporters was there, sitting in front of the computer and I said, H!  I need to print out a schedule! which is usually taken as, please move so I can do it, or can you do it since you are sitting there?

Without looking at me, she deadpans, “How’s it feel to need?”

My mouth dropped open.  Whoaaa.

Trigger!!!

She doesn’t usually talk like that.  Apparently my response tipped her off that her reply didn’t sit well with me.

Something about that phrase and those like it simply hit me wrong.  This one zinged me right in my solar plexus.  She was teasing, but it didn’t feel good and I was kind of shocked it bothered me like that.

“What’s it to you?”

“Whatever.”

“How’s it feel to ….?”

These phrases all feel dismissive and careless to me.  And they trigger my unhealed core emotion – “I don’t matter” – big time!

Just when you begin to think maybe you have done the work to heal, up pops another area for review.  I was astounded at how strongly I reacted to that phrase.  It pointed me to another place where I am still unaware and in need of consciousness.

Ri-i-ip!  As I shine awareness on my trigger, another layer gets peeled away.  And I heal some more.

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