It’s in our human nature to want approval from others, but it can be exhausting to compromise yourself in order to influence or manipulate other people’s perceptions. No matter how much you try, it simply isn’t possible to control what other people think. People will judge, question, or dislike you. No one can please the whole world all at once while honoring their own needs and truths. At the very least, we can find comfort in the fact that we are being true to ourselves. Today if you feel the need to people-please, ask yourself, what’s more important: knowing you’ve done your best to make everyone like you, or knowing you’re strong enough to stay true to who you are?
Maritza Alvarez Walking Into Self: Following the Elusive Path of Reflection and Awareness
I found this very pertinent to my journey this past week! I know I cannot please everyone yet sometimes I fumble and forget that for a bit. Then I find myself getting upset when another person doesn’t like what I said or criticizes what I did and lets me know about it, much like what happened last week.
I try really hard to live consciously and spiritually and never look to offend or hurt another, so it’s never intentional when it happens. I have long said, I’m a work in progress, learning as I go. It’s now way past time for me to let that particular trigger go for good. I will still take care to live in as conscious manner as I know how, but it’s never helpful to take on another’s reactions and make them about me. Their reactions are about them so trying to change who I am so they can feel good about themselves or me won’t work. I cannot dictate how someone else receives who I am.
I am Me. I can only be me. I certainly can’t expect to please everyone else, I’m not them, and I’m still working on figuring out what pleases me.
Very early on in this spiritual journey of mine, my husband’s grandmother came to me in a session with a medium and emphatically told me something I have never forgotten:
Doormats belong on the floor, not on your back.
Well then. I absolutely had never before thought of myself as doormat but that sure opened my eyes! Laying down, letting another dictate what you should do, think or be against your own best instincts is being a doormat, something I unknowingly allowed to happen often for many years by stepping back and letting others have/do what they wanted instead of considering my own desires or needs. It’s compromising who you are so you can make someone else happy with your choices. It’s living your life for someone else.
Basically, it’s living in fear. Fear of reprisals, fear of someone not liking you or judging you, fear of reactions and consequences.
That’s not why we are here. We are not here to live in fear nor live our lives for another. To support one another, yes, to live solely to please someone else, no. So, I need to ask myself when I am doubting something I have done or said, who am I trying to please, me or this person who is criticising me? Am I trying to please someone in my past? Who gets to live my life?
In the end, it’s Me and only Me who makes the choices. It’s Me who lives this life.