Earlier this week as I was pondering my lesson about my extreme reluctance and often inability to allow my true joy to take precedence in my life, I realised I was hearing this phrase in the background of my mind,
“You made your bed, now go lie in it.”
O.m.g. My mother’s voice was loud and clear. I heard her say that often as I was growing up, and she told me once that her own mother had told her that when she got married. I likely repeated it to my kids, mostly referring to the messes they made in the house or at school, proverbially and literally. I seemed to have really taken that lesson to heart and I didn’t get that until this week.
When I said this in the past, I always thought I meant we need to own up to and take responsibility for our actions. We need to acknowledge that we reap what we sow. But now I see how much more it really means to me. It goes far deeper than that.
What I really meant was, I chose that particular bed long ago, the size, the linens, the colors and the room to put it in. I made my bed to my specifications at a specific point in my life, and now, no matter what the condition of the bed, no matter what it looks like or if it’s too messy to sleep in or the frame is broken, or if it sags in the middle and my back really hurts, or even if it just doesn’t fit me anymore because I have grown, I have to lay in it, and continue to lay in it, forever. Because I committed to it. No matter what has changed, I must lay in it. It’s my bed. Period.
I am not a quitter. I made a commitment to something, and I have to stick to it even if I don’t want it anymore. I don’t quit. Quitting means I suck.
Besides, what would other people think?
I am dependable, reliable, and committed. (<standing proud> Where’s the line to go get my medal?) I am not supposed to change my mind. I can’t. I am not one of those people who says one thing, then changes their mind later for silly reasons – you know, a “flake”.
- Slang for a person who socializes on a glib, superficial level who often feigns an interest in a subject in an attempt to seek social approval.
- An unreliable person; someone who agrees to do something, but never follows through.
Hmmm, perhaps I should be committed so I can get out of being committed! Ha! Kidding!
So in conclusion: Not only do I not deserve to change the bed or linens or the room because I simply want variety, but I can’t because I made a commitment to it and therefore, I must lie in the same. damned. bed. every. single. day. without. changing. a. thing. for. the. rest. of. my. life.
Wait, whose stupid committment idea was that?!
Well then. That idea needs changing. Time to try that other bed and see how it feels.