Carrying the Load

When I was at the Retreat last month, Eloheim suggested I set boundaries early and often so Missy Crazy doesn’t get triggered and come out to show her pissy side to everyone (my words, not theirs).  Tell me how to do that when my daughter works an hour and a half away and I am in charge of her kids after work? 

My granddaughter has now become part of the school play, band, chorus and swimming.  I am really happy for her, she is thrilled with each and every activity and it’s nice to see her excited about her life.  My grandson has guitar lessons, track and Spanish Club.  I love my (grand)kids but this is not what I want to do at this point in my life!  I just want to be Gramma who gets to go to the events, not the mom who has to take them to every practice!  I told my daughter again this week that she needs to work nearer home.  This is getting old, not only to me, but I know it is too much for her.  As a single mom, she struggles with how to make ends meet and jobs are scarce in this area so she keeps this job.  Not fun for any of us, actually. 

Then there’s the rest that goes with running a household: paying bills, buying groceries, cooking meals, dishes, laundry, vacuuming, cleaning, replacing worn out clothing, taking care of the car, home maintenance.  Plus I like to have my own canned tomatoes and other fresh veggies put in the freezer for the winter.  I do leave the lawn chores and most of the home maintenance to him, but I used to do those, too.  Endless amounts of stuff on a huge, long list boggle my mind.  I understand all this is part of life.  However, it doesn’t mean I want to do the mom thing all over again or be in charge of the care and feeding of everyone anymore!  Yes, it might sound selfish.  But it’s time.  And as I told Eloheim in one the channeling sessions, “I choose me!”  It’s my turn.   

If something doesn’t change soon, it might not be pretty when I change it.  When Lisa did the body reading on me last month at her house, she saw me pulling my hair and screaming in frustration.  Yep.  I totally get that.  I need balance. 

Do I need to flip the table over with everything on it to get everyone’s attention?

 

Boundaries early and often don’t help when there is no one else to take care of the kids but me. 

So I vent here.  Not asking for solutions, just working through things so Missy Crazy doesn’t go berserk on me lol. 

I had a massage tonight and my shoulders are so knotty and sore, my girl wasn’t able to get it all out in the hour we had.  But it feels much better.  Thankful I do allow myself this self care, it helps so much.  And I stayed up way too late last night listening to Eloheim, so I’m going to head to bed early tonight! 

Onward…….

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