Saturday night at the Retreat was pretty quiet since Veronica didn’t channel. We had another delicious dinner and afterwards one of the retreat members led a workshop for some of us. It was basically about body consciousness I believe, though I’m not sure- about knowing what your body is doing and feeling in the moment. I don’t remember what it was called exactly but we did various movements in a chair and then contemplated what we did. I had a difficult time getting into it. It just didn’t catch my interest and I found myself only playing along because it felt uncomfortable and disrespectful to just up and leave after it started. I have done this type of thing before and didn’t really want to do it again. It was very similar to the way my yoga teacher taught so I was quite familiar with the concepts. If I had understood what was going to happen, I wouldn’t have joined in on the session. I do know that the others who participated, enjoyed it and got a lot out of it. It just wasn’t for me at that particular time.
As we all know, not everything fits everybody so I just chalked it up to experience. In fact I had to struggle to remember what we filled that evening with just now lol! It was chilly afterwards and I headed up to bed, not knowing that the neighboring cabin was going to get together on a whim and sit on their porch to chat for a long time. Pout! I missed out on something fun! All the cool kids had a party without me, sniff! LOL no just kidding, I was tired after my tuning forks session and needed some processing time alone.
We got up Sunday morning knowing we had to have our stuff cleared out of the cabins by ten so we packed up and left our things on the porches as requested so they could clean for the next group coming later that day.
After breakfast, Veronica channeled again for the last time and boy was that a powerful session. We were told that it was a hands on healing session and I really wanted to ask about healing something so I signed up. When it began, it became clear that Veronica was not touching anyone. Eloheim’s focus that day was the question, “What is your first choice? ” – one of their Tools and one of three that the Witness said were the most important (This Is My First Choice) for us to focus on. There was a chair in front of her as she sat at the front of the room and those who had signed up that day came up front to sit in it.
The answers were varied and each led to a discussion and I could relate to nearly every single one. And Eloheim’s answers were always spot on and straight to the point. Eloheim does not allow you the luxury of waffling or lying to yourself. Pull it out and look at it with eyes wide open. Only then can you make changes. I quickly realised that what I wanted to have healed physically was not going to happen that day and the more I sat there, the more scared I got to go sit up in that spotlight in front of all those people because I now had no clue what I wanted to ask. Then I heard in my head, “I Choose Me”.
I walked up there on shaking knees and sat down. Eloheim turns away to ask the time and how many more and then said No, this is the last one. So I was the final person to sit in front of them. Gulp.
So, “What is your first choice?” they asked. I paused, said Well, originally I … and was cut off. “No, what is your first choice NOW?”, they asked. And did the intense, look-into-your-soul stare that they do.
I burst out, “I choose ME” and went on to say I kept hearing that in my head before I came up there. Whoa…didn’t expect that to actually come out of me! I then ran off at the mouth, hands waving about (yeah I talk with my hands when I’m passionate) and generally sounding frustrated and just done with being everything to everybody in my life. I want to be responsible for me and them to be responsible for them. I basically don’t want to cook, clean, shop, buy everything for everyone else, especially my husband. It really feels like it’s expected that I do it all because if I don’t, no one else will!
So I’m all flying hands and dismissive gestures and finally when I wind down, Eloheim asked me what my husband said when I told him I was coming to the retreat. I said quietly, “I just told him I was coming and he was fine with that.” Ah… there’s the place from which to set boundaries and make requests. A centered place.
Then Eloheim went on to talk about how being “Missy Crazy” Lady is not the place to make demands or set boundaries. Oops. Yeah. They talked me before about setting boundaries early and often in reference to work issues so this was not new. Guess I still don’t apply it that well at home. I tend to let things go until I just cannot take it anymore then Missy Crazy Lady appears and throws a fit. Eloheim had the whole room laughing as they imitated Missy Crazy Lady. Egads. LOL. Squirming here. But oh so true. So they suggested I find my Missy Centered and use her to set my boundaries, early and often, before it gets to the point where I am frustrated and/or irritated beyond my tolerance level.
We ended the last channeling with the room laughing together. I can’t tell you how many came up to me afterwards, for several hours, saying, thank you, I’m so glad you said that! It really helped me! Nearly every single woman came up to me before we left to tell me the same thing. And what I found really astounding was the men who came up to me with the same reaction! Hahaha. Must be Missy Crazy lives with them too!
The next day I did a meditation with that as my focus and realised that it comes back to my unhealed core emotion of “I don’t matter to those who matter to me.” Thought I had worked through that in the last two years but here’s another layer. So the healed part says, I matter to me, or just I matter. Period. Setting boundaries early and often lets me know I matter to me. And lets others see me.
All of this is for our growth. Eloheim tells us that our “shitty” bits matter, they are how we learn and grow. After all, “Gardens need fertiliser, too.”
Next, the Closing Ceremony.