I wrote this last night and left it in drafts to proof and this morning I read Sacred Spiral of Light to find a mightily similar topic, control and fears – synchronicity strikes again, Eileen!
One of the major changes that first took hold within me when I began studying with Veronica and Eloheim is based on this premise:
“The first decision is: Am I a victim or am I a creator? Once you decide, ‘I’m not a victim – I am a creator’ – you’re on the path that we teach. Then you get to the point where you say, ‘I really have no control over anything other than my reactions to my experiences. When I choose my reactions in the moment I have to base that choice not on the future, because the future is completely uncertain, I have to choose my reactions to my creations with no certainty and no attachment to outcome. I have to be in the moment embracing the fact that life is completely uncertain in order for this to work.’ ” Eloheim
Life is completely uncertain. I choose my reactions to my creations with no certainty about or attachment to the outcome. I am not a victim. Only thing I can control is my reactions in the moment.
Wow. Lightbulb moments here.
As a self confirmed and now reformed (ok, at times still reforming lol) control freak, this hit home with me. I used to make elaborate plans and lists for every part of my life. So when I had the aha moment and then implemented the “Creator” premise, my life suddenly became calmer. Who knew?! I didn’t have to make life predictable or easier for everyone by controlling everything! Not that it was ever truly predictable or easy, of course, even after I made the effort.
What I have learned is that control, at its base level, is about fear. Fear of the unknown. Fear of what “might” happen. Fear that what happened in the past is going to happen again if I don’t control as much as possible. Fear of how much trouble I am going to get into if I don’t control how something goes. Fear of other’s negative thoughts and opinions. I had all of those fears running my life, in spades.
What a load off of me to let those fears go and become, not a Victim, but a Creator! I take what happens as it happens, often much to the dismay of my husband, and choose how I react in the moment. I do what I can when I can, making a point to listen to my heart and not my busy, talky, overactive, bossy mind that keeps wanting to run the show based on fear. There are reasons why I created this, underneath the obvious is what I needed to experience or learn or I wouldn’t have created it. Look at how creative I am to bring this to my attention in this manner!
So, if I accept that I am a Creator, I must own my creations and my reactions. Happy about them or not, I know I created them and now I get to choose how to react to them. Others may react in a less than positive or a fearful manner but that, too, is their choice to create and not for me to obsess about or try to change. The responsibility for my life is mine. For me, there can no longer be blaming or pawning off onto others something that I created. The best part is that if I have to own my “mistakes”, then I get to own my accomplishments as well. I can do that now! I used to brush off the positive things that I did since I didn’t want others to think I believed I was better than them. Not giving away or making less out of something I accomplished is really satisfying. I created this! Yay me! (Only took me 50 years to find my way to this particular state of being!)
I am so grateful to be here now, to know this now. I am not a Victim. I am a marvelous Creator.